First of all....the refund came through. I am glad to have my money back, but disheartened enough by Circuit City's lack of custmoner support, that I will NEVER shop with them again. buh-bye.
Now, the serious, not sofun part of Rays recent life..
I obviously made a few major fopahs in my quest to save money.
I quit doing things like getting my hair cut...wearing make-up, buying new clothes, going out...basically taking care of me.
Instead, I spent my days contemplating how to stretch the dollar a little further...how to be able to stay home and take care of my parents and enjoy my husband, kids and grandkids...
And I thought, how to have a healthier, happier marriage.
I can remember very well the first time my husband mentioned a newly divorced female friend back in early November....and my mental red flag that came with it.
and then how he went and helped fix her trailer...
and DD3 asking who this was programmed on his cell phone....
and how her name suddenly became very common....and how he became MIA alot...the stories started not adding up...and the lies...and finally a tell all cell phone bill with hours of calls at all hours of the day and night....(the ones that hurt the most were those made when I was at the hospital with my mom or dad) He called her THREE TIMES ON CHRISTMAS....damn him.
and how it all snowballed into a big ugly December for me.
and finally, the ugly New Years weekend confrontation and a promise that "they were just friends...and he has severed all ties with her"...
and now I have this empty hole where my fantasy of my perfect life used to be...and anger where my naive enjoyment of my family used to be...
and self doubt...
and a whole bunch of decisions that I dont want to think about.
All of a sudden money doesnt seem so important...and nothing feels the same.
and I feel like a frumpy mess...and I have no idea how to make this ache go away.....
So why am I sharing this very embarrasing, very painful story?? Clearly, this is not something I tell my family...nor do I share it with my friends...at least not yet. Thank goodness for an outlet here...just typing it out feels like a baby-step purge.
When reality is just a fantasy...and the real reality sucks
January 8th, 2007 at 11:19 pm
January 8th, 2007 at 11:32 pm 1168299120
It is good you confronted the situation. Don't make any decisions until you can get over the initial pain. If he is sincere, you can work it out, with counseling, but it will take a long time to rebuild trust.
Money is still important, so don't give up on that front. I hope things work out for you.
I know the pain you are feeling, I've been there, too.
January 8th, 2007 at 11:38 pm 1168299495
I'm really not the one to give advice on what to do. I will just you all my support and hope for the best. Take care of yourself Ray!
January 8th, 2007 at 11:40 pm 1168299638
I'm with Reagan - trust but verify!
January 9th, 2007 at 12:12 am 1168301556
I wish i had words of wisedom and comfort, but am glad you feel comfortable being able to share and start to feel better and more incomtrol of the situation. We are here for you.
January 9th, 2007 at 12:27 am 1168302461
January 9th, 2007 at 12:45 am 1168303525
January 9th, 2007 at 12:55 am 1168304127
January 9th, 2007 at 01:16 am 1168305365
January 9th, 2007 at 02:57 am 1168311457
January 9th, 2007 at 03:07 am 1168312034
"You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do." -- A. J. Kitt
January 9th, 2007 at 03:59 am 1168315175
January 9th, 2007 at 04:32 am 1168317128
January 9th, 2007 at 04:57 am 1168318649
Best thing was letting the other woman have the "gentleman"..... And, I don't know where I heard the quote that men are just like dogs....
But, Dogs are Loyal.
Chin up, this too shall pass. You will be a stronger person for it (my mom always says!) I thought I wouldn't live through my experience....and yet, here it is over a decade later & I'm still here.............loving my life. (and my dog!)
January 9th, 2007 at 05:37 am 1168321067
January 9th, 2007 at 06:19 am 1168323598
January 9th, 2007 at 06:48 am 1168325303
January 9th, 2007 at 01:23 pm 1168348997
i too feel frumpy and need a haircut and sit at home and wonder some times to the point of tears. it sucks. fact of the matter is, though, that both our DH's are responsible not just for their actions but for their half of the bargain. by 'the bargain' i mean open honest communication. if our DH's think we're sliding or not taking care of ourselves or focusing unhealthily on something, they should communicate. if your DH is truly just being there for a friend in need after a difficult divorce, he should have communicated that to you because that's what partners do, they communicate. even if it was just a friendship 'thing', the fact that the friendship was incognito is still a concern b/c he felt he couldn't share...
and just my gut, if it was/is just a friendship, why would he volunteer that he had 'severed all ties with her'?
with all that said, the only thing i can offer is to plase take care of yourself. i don't mean a haircut and a new lipstick, i mean something much more basic: to sit down and make sure to take time for the things that make you feel safe and sane. talk to your DH if you're comfortable. tell him you're still mulling things over and trying to make sense of it all if your not. either way, keep some form of communication open...
my thoughts are with you, ray. please PM me if you need/want to vent more, just be forwarned i may feel the urge to do the same
January 10th, 2007 at 07:29 pm 1168457390
None of this is your fault. He got sucked in by the situation of a needy woman that needed attention. That probably fed his ego because he felt important and needed.
This happened to us 10 years ago so I know too well how you feel. DH didn't have an affair, but the woman was very depenedent on him and when he told her he could no longer talk to her at work and help her through her marriage problems she began calling me and harrassing me. In fact, that's how I found out about the whole thing, a phone call from her. Talk about thinking you didn't know who the man was you were married to and feeling like a total fool. I felt like the rest of the town had known all along (they didn't) and that I was a total idiot. It finally took a visit to the state police to get a trace placed on the phone so that they could make her stop calling us.
I just want to give you a cyber [[[[[HUG]]]]] and let you know that I'm thinking of you.
January 10th, 2007 at 10:12 pm 1168467123
January 12th, 2007 at 12:44 am 1168562673
Please take care of yourself(((hugs))). Hopefully this was a temporary lapse of judgement on your husbands part. I hope he sees the light and your situation improves.