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Home > Survived the LUAU...but I need advice for the mess my FIL created...

Survived the LUAU...but I need advice for the mess my FIL created...

September 1st, 2008 at 06:38 pm

It was a great party, great turnout, lots of food, drink..the weather was a nice 70ish...Everyone, especially the hub- who is now 40... had a great time!

We DID go over budget for some last minute expenses...but not enough to worry about.

My one bothersome point was that the hubs father who came solo..(he and wife were camp hosts...so she stayed behind to host...he came solo) They have been married for a little over 2 years. She is 50, he 68.

HE got very intoxicated, made many comments (not-very complimentary) about his wife. Suggested they were heading for divorce...and then proceeded to hit on at least 5 women at the party from age 52- age 22!! And two of them are married ...I learned the following day that they all were pretty offended.

I knew about two..One told me not to worry about it...she just took care of it herself..another left with her husband right after..but I MADE my husband apologize to her and her husband before they left.

The hub and I were not aware of most of dads obnoxious behavior...I tried to clean up after him as much as possible, apologizing for his obnoxiousness...but this is not the first time he has acted like this...just never to this degree before.

A little history...there is no love lost between FIL and I primarily because he is so obtuse. It has caused many bumps in the road and I have refused to spend time with the hubs extended family because of FIL. This was the FIRST time I have been around most of them since MIL died 6 years ago. SO...I was also trying not to make waves because it was the HUBs big party.

So, here I am a few days later...FIL has gone home to wife...no call to apologize (I am sure in his eyes, he was the hit of the party...gag)

So what do I do at this point? Ive apologized to the ladies...the youngest is my soon to be new Son-In Law's younger sister and their family is NOT happy that he hit on her (she had a little too much to drink but was definately not asking for his attention.She was trying to be polite since it was her brothers new family relative...unfortunately, I didnt find out about this one today when my daughter enlightened me)

These two families will be getting together for upcoming holidays...wife is unaware...and SILs family is angry with him. I don't want to wait until we are all in the same room singing Silent Night to address it. But I don't want to be the one to tell the wife...and I do not want the new family feeling like we think this is acceptable.

Where would you start? What would you do?

5 Responses to “Survived the LUAU...but I need advice for the mess my FIL created...”

  1. whitestripe Says:

    call him, while it's still fresh in in his mind, and tell him firmly that his behaviour won't be tolerated in the future, if it happens again he won't be invited to future gatherings. i would suggest telling your husband some of the details, so that you mayb get some of his support on the matter.
    my mother is horrible when she is drunk. i've told her a few times i hate how she is like that, and i have begun to exclude her from some things. i think she has begun to wake up to it. the worst thing you can do is sweep it under the rug. if you apologise and keep things in the dark, they think it wasn't that bad, and don't make amends or try to stop their behavious, because they never get in trouble for it.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:

    What is it with idiotic men who offend but think they are somehow the hotness? Well, perhaps that too was rather obtuse seeing as how I am comment about your father. So, my apologies if it came across as being offensive.

    Nevertheless, I wouldn't tolerate such behavior, family or not, drunk or otherwise. I would probably have to manhandle and remove that individual physically before he did any more damage.

    Anyways, such behavior must be very frustration and I'm sorry to hear that for you.

  3. mom-from-missouri Says:

    This is one reason we don't serve alcohol at our get togethers...

  4. baselle Says:

    I'm not all that sure I'd know how to proceed. You are the hostess and he was the guest in your house, so I think you are justified in going after him loaded for bear. Bartenders cut off drunks and bouncers do kick out the rowdy from bars.

    I'd definitely call FIL, no matter how icky - might want to have both the hub and you do it. Since FIL is pretty obtuse and obnoxious when loaded, I think your goal is pretty clear - 1. get the facts about what FIL said while he is sober and 2. his behavior is unacceptable in your house and will not be tolerated.

    If FIL and wife are really getting a divorce, wife probably has a fair idea of his behavior.

  5. boomeyers Says:

    That is so sad he cast such a bad feeling over the party! I think all you can do, is what you did. If the in laws want to dredge it up at Christmastime, that is up to them and let the FIL explain what happened to the wife. I'm sure also, that she is probably no dummy and is aware of his actions, perhaps he has done this around their friends too? I would let the sleeping dog lie. You have apologized for him, there is really nothing more you are responsible for. Good luck!

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