Home > Babies having babies....sigh

Babies having babies....sigh

March 10th, 2011 at 04:03 am

DD3 has a close friend that is having a baby anyday. Friend is 19...unmarried...dirt poor...she and the babies father are moving into a townhouse on Friday...which is the day the baby is due. Their current apartment is $540 a month and the townhouse is only $400- (on a busy street in a less than desirable part of town...) and they need every little bit they can get. She stopped by tonight to visit. She didnt get to take birth classes. And she doesnt have a good coach picked out to help her through delivery. I talked to her for a couple of hours on what to expect...trying to emphasize on the important things that she should try to remember...

She doesnt have things like a robe, nursing bras, nursing pads, etc...they are still waiting on a cradle...thankfully they have a car seat.

I asked her if she had a plan for meals when she is out of the Does boyfriend cook? no. They share a twin bed....but they will have room-mates to help out...


She had no idea she could shower or take a bath in the hospital to help with contractions...or that there is a ball she can sit on...or...or....or.

She asked me if it was ok to go to the hospital if her water broke before Friday.


So I shared as much as I thought she could take in...and just gave her money to go buy a robe, some comfy, button up the front jammies, a couple of nursing bras and some nursing pads...and some really good feminine pads for when she goes home.

Her dad told her to think about having her next baby soon so they would be 'close together'....WTF. omg.

Now that I realize she has so little support, I will keep a closer eye on her.

19 Responses to “Babies having babies....sigh”

  1. mjrube94 Says:

    Scary. My niece had a baby unmarried at 19. She had a pretty good support network (her parents, sisters, etc., although she didn't appreciate it!) and it was still a tough road to hoe. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through it with no support. It's wonderful that you're helping her like you are!

  2. baselle Says:

    OMG is right. Not only is it no support, its stupid support. You are a good egg to help her out, hopefully she is spending the money on baby stuff instead of anything else. When is she due? Do you have the opportunity to help her out again before she's due?

  3. Thrifty Ray Says:

    She bought a robe, two nursing bras, washable nursing pads and ointment for her breasts...spent $80. She is due on Friday- so not much time at all...

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    It is very sad, but brave at the same time. She obviously has questions but doesn't know who to ask that really knows.

    Yep, keep an eye on her and the baby, too!

  5. KiwiJo09 Says:

    That is very scary! I feel like kids today are growing up so much faster than they need to. I'm 21, and I want to finish school and start my career before I get married and even think about kids. It's just sad. I'm glad there are people like you to help her. Her dad is an idiot. Just saying.

  6. Ima saver Says:

    That is so nice of you to help her out. I agree, babies having babies!!

  7. momcents Says:

    Thank you for taking care of this girl as much as you can. If you can, go to the used bookstore and buy her What to Expect In the First Year, a baby ear thermometer and baby acetominaphin. Those are things she'll need and most likely won't be able to afford and will bring HER piece of mind when it comes to immunizations and the middle of the night ear infection.

    Bless you! And prayers for her delivery and well-being!

  8. ceejay74 Says:

    You chose very well, and momcents is absolutely right too. This practically makes me break out into hives ... I was 36 when I had AA and I was so glad I'd waited (not so much that age matters, but that I waited until I was mature and somewhat financially sound). You are a good person, but don't get too roped in either. You don't want to get taken advantage of.

    But if you're looking for another idea to help her out:

    There are these little lightweight seat/hammock things that can vibrate and have little toys hanging down from the handle--it was a LIFESAVER because it kept AA calm and helped her nap. She spent many an hour strapped in that little seat, and I could even carry it into the bathroom so I could shower yet know she was safe.

    Also, tell her to always put her baby on its back for naps and sleep! And no loose bedding in the crib! OMG is right. What to Expect should have all the info she needs in it.

    Wishing this girl all the luck in the world...

  9. ThriftoRama Says:

    Um,her dad told her what?

    This is wrong on so many levels. She has a hard road ahead. Hopefully, she has a good birth nurse at the hospital. It can make all the difference.

    Is her mom nearby to help?

  10. Jane Says:

    Horrifying...I really hope she was taking prenatal vitamins, and that the father is a good, employed guy who will stick around and do the right thing. It's nice of you to help her out. Her dad's terrible advice really shows how an irresponsible family environment can push future generations into poverty.

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Wow, this is sad. She's very lucky to have you there to help her.

  12. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Thanks everyone. I am going to buy the book recommended (What to Expect in the First Year) and will make sure she has a baby thermometer and infant pain relievers...I also asked around and found several local places that help unmarried teens with food, diapers, and general baby care advice. I placed an ad for a queen sized bed on our internal classified ads at work (and any baby items)...Her mom is local, but obviously not stepping up. All of your advice was appreciated...and now I will just offer any assistance I can....the babys dad is in the pic and is being as supportive as a 17 yr old can be...boy....

  13. Looking Forward Says:

    OMGosh! And WTF! This makes me very sad and I know there are even more out there. Frown I cannot believe her dad would say something like that! She really needs all the emotional and financial help she can get as it will be a tough road. Bless you for helping her out.
    If she has a boy I've got hand-me-downs I could send to you if you'd like.
    Glad you're getting her the book, it's a really good one. And I second CeeJay - a bouncy chair is a MUST have.
    It might not be too late to find a birthing class. Some are just one or two days over a weekend. Maybe you could check it out for her. Our 'refresher' was a weekend and it cost $55.
    All the luck to her and her baby.

  14. Ima saver Says:

    Any news about the baby yet? I know that the due date was yesterday, March 11.

  15. whitestripe Says:

    you are so nice to help her, and she will most definately remember your kindness for her entire life.
    DF's mum was 19 when she had him, but she did have a lot of family support. encourage her to seek mothers groups, playgroups, free support groups and seminars etc. Being in a supportive circle, even if it is just a group of other young mums, helps hugely. I hope everything goes well for her. Either the father will step up (it does happen) or he will not and she will hopefully realise it. Either way, it will be a tough journey but she will be a strong young woman.

  16. Thrifty Ray Says:

    No baby yet...the kids are still moving today. Will post when she gets here.

  17. Nika Says:

    Shower and the exercise ball are just a matter of opinion. I could care less about those when I was in labor.

    Classes... one can learn everything one needs on the internet (though judging from her question about water breaking she has obviously not been doing that). As for coaches, nurses and doctors can do that, I only needed DH for emotional support (I can't imagine doing it without him).

    The rest of what you wrote is scary. I would think any future mom would try to read up to know how to take care of the baby.

    That poor little baby. It sounds like these people have no idea what they are in for.

  18. HelpMeFriend Says:

    I was 19, dirt poor, and had a not-so helpful boyfriend, as he thought he was too young to have a kid and didn't want to deal with it in the beginning.
    Thankfully I had a very caring future-mother-in-law. My best friend who had no idea about babies, learned with me, and was my rock to lean against, as the dad wasn't standing so close then.
    There is a ton to learn, worry about, but don't.
    The baby will be fine, the mom will grow as she goes, and with support from your son and you, she'll do fine!

  19. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Update...the baby arrived. Helpmefriend..this is a friend of my son is in no way involved. Just clarifying.

    They will get out of the hospital tomorrow. I will be here to help however I can...and hopefully her village of support will help grow a healthy, happy little girl.

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