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November 15th, 2012 at 05:01 am

My blog tonight will be ot-

First, the hub is back in Alaska. Today was my first day back at work and honestly, that first day back is often a doozy and today was a definate doozy. Busy and crazy.

DD2 asked to go to lunch and I assumed correctly that something was up.

Almost 18 months ago, DD2 took a little 5 month old boy in as a foster mom. He was so neglected those first few was so sad. It took him two weeks to get used to someone holding him- he had lived in his carseat with very minimal human interaction.

No relatives stepped in then, or since. However, his maternal grandmother has now decided to try to get custody. I totally understand the "blood is thicker than"...mentality. But this little guy has NEVER met her. He is almost two and knows no other family.

I am so proud of my daughter for taking him in and raising him like one of her own. He is a brother to my grandkids, a son to my daughter and a grandson in my eyes. It will be hard to understand how after two plus years, this little guy is removed to a family he has never met. It makes me question the system.

Grandma lives in Florida. (When Z was born she lived here..but stated she did not have the time or money to take him). She moved to Montana, then on to Florida. She has been back here four times in 18 months and never asked to see him. Sadly, his 20 year old mom is back on drugs. Dad has never asked to see him. His other grandparents said they were too old to start over.

So far, all we have heard from the court is a blood relative will take priority over his foster family. At this point- DD2 would like to start adoption. I am fully supportive of that. To try to think of what this will do to Z is heartbreaking. He is so attached at this point.

I can understand moving a child during the first year..but after two years...

Sorry to vent ot, it is just tough to think Z might have to be moved from all he has ever known. I dont get how this is the best interest of the child. Frown

8 Responses to “ z”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    I completely hear you....fingers crossed an adoption could be possible and seen by the court as the BEST scenario for the child.

  2. Monkey Mama Says:


    Our family has gone through this - some judge wanted to send cousin's foster child to a random relative (aunt? uncle?) in Mexico. ??? Thankfully, people very involved in the case were able to get her adopted into the foster family. The original social worker had left out a lot of details (like a LOT of the child's extended family lived in our area and had contact with the child). Sadly, it did seem to come more down to blood relatives than anything else. They have had two siblings since birth (the mother has 10+ kids in the system) and these kids have insurmountable obstacles to overcome, having been drug exposed in utero. I can not even imagine a child who has additional neglect on top of that.

    It is one thing if someone steps forward or "seems to care" early on, but it seems to always be someone that shows up a year or two later. Extra frustrating when other people have stepped in and provided love and necessities. You think, "Where well the here were you the last 2 years!?!"

    I am so sorry to hear this, and hope it turns out for what is best for this child. *sigh*

  3. ceejay74 Says:

    This makes me want to cry. I really hope your family gets to keep little Z, for his sake and yours.

  4. snafu Says:

    Sadly, that is the system. I'm sure DD is shocked by the callousness. All foster families know that they only have temporary care. The state can remove children on whim and switch them around. It's a primary reason that stops wonderful families from taking youngsters.

    Foster care comes in when extended Birth family doesn't step up when the baby's need is desperate. After a few years of love and care by a well meaning foster family a relative comes forward for a well adjusted youngster. It's cynical but I've always wondered if the relative who made no effort to maintain contact discovered some way to access foster funding.

  5. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Thanks for the support. Foster care is sometime a double edged sword. My daughter spent the first full year she had Z trying to get family to come and visit him. When he had medical tests for a potential disability (MRI) they didnt come or call to ask how it went.

    Foster parents do this for the children- and go into it knowing the best thing is for the family to be rebuilt and reunited. (Which is what my daughter fully expected) But when no one takes an interest and almost two years go by..the child is ultimately the one who will suffer (again) when moved from 'his' world and transplanted elsewhere. Kids are resilient, but he is fast approaching an age where attachment disorder will become a real lifelong issue. Frown

  6. LuckyRobin Says:

    This is a tragedy if it happens. Two year olds are seriously attached to their mother figure. To take that away during this crucial time in a child's life is horrible. And that Grandmother may not even realize what she is in for. To not even visit the kid for two years shows serious lack of concern. I hope your daughter is able to adopt him. No one really seems to think about what it means to a child to be torn from the only family they ever knew to be deposited with someone who only steps in when all the hard work has been done. And if she didn't want him before, who is to say that after a couple of weeks she won't change her mind because it's too hard?

  7. Looking Forward Says:

    OMG too sad! I pray your DD can be his forever mommy.
    All the kids without a real family make me soo sad. Frown

  8. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    I'm so sorry to hear this. Frown
    My family went through something like this when I was in college. We came very close to adopting a 2 1/2 year old little girl. She had even lived with us for nearly 7 months. Then Grandma all of a sudden decided that she wanted her, and there was no fighting it. Frown Even though I was away at college most of that time, I did come home several weekends a month, plus holidays, and grew head over heels in love with that little girl.

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